Growing up was always a bit difficult. Right off the bat, I’ll allow you a bit of mental ease so your poor souls can relax. This is not a post on “never really fitting in” or teenage parent angst. Though I’d love to tell you all about my awkward grade school days when my hair braids were thicker than my neck, my enlarged stroppy bobble-head awkwardly sitting atop my malnourished looking build, and my inability to read English (my third language) rendered me nearly incapable of making any friends. Yup...I’ll have to pass for now - those days can wait. It is my personal belief that I’ve grown into my overly large, grotesque teeth. It took years (and a great deal of assistance from braces), but those days are finally over – and, as far as I’m concerned, that’s more than enough to keep me happy for eons to come.

Rather, this is a post on the difficulties of consistent change. The change that takes you from one country to another and back again, only to find that when you return, everything (including yourself) has changed.
Moving from country to country, city to city, has always had its incredible advantages. Eye-opening experiences and immersing oneself in various cultures and traditions should be experienced by all (surely, this would cease racism and prejudice to some extent). Yet what of the disadvantages? I don’t mean to speak of traveling in a negative light at all, rather, I speak of leaving one’s home behind to start countless new chapters in one’s life. What happens when you leave all you know for a place you’ve only read about?
My family moved often when I was young. Just as I would settle in, get back into the rhythm of school, and find a few friends, we were on the road again. In theory, it really does sound nice – I’ve never been one to grow attached to places or things (France and Morocco always being the exception), but it was always a bit of a mental toll. In hindsight, I believe it has shaped me that way – I never
fully let myself get comfortable as I know I’ll hit the road one day or another.
Leaving was always more or less difficult but I found returning to be the laborious part. With friends and family in almost every corner of the world, it’s difficult to see most contacts more than once every three or four years. Though we now have the luxuries of email, skype, facebook, and numerous other social platforms, the luxury of time has diminished. This has left a gap between me and so many. It has always been worrisome to return home after months or years and see old friends. I worry what we will discuss, if we’ve both changed too much, or if we no longer have anything in common. I’ve never been one to keep too many people very close in my life, and those who do seem to overcome these obstacles. I am so reclusive, I need others with the same mentality – the mentality that we don’t have to talk for weeks, months, sometimes even years, but we both know that once we reunite, we will pick up right where we left off.
I’ve been in Toronto for almost four years now. Graduation is just around the corner and I’ve found myself wondering where I’ll have to start anew in the upcoming term. It’s unlikely I’ll remain in Canada, and I ponder how that will affect my relationships in this country. Will I again find trouble settling in to a new city (possibly country abroad?) or will I find that, for once, it comes with ease? Leaving Chicago is never easy - but at least I know I'll always return there, even if for a short visit, as long as my parents are living there. I don't have that comfort with Toronto...

And that, my friends, is the difficulty of moving from place to place. Constantly making and losing those who were (at least for one point in your life) very close to your heart. 

Modcloth Dress | Dorothy Perkins Heels | Tommy Hilfiger Watch 


  1. I have always wondered how would it be to move from one place to the next, always being the new kid. I always thought about it as an exciting adventure, but as everything in life, I see now that it's not always exciting and good.
    I hope that the next place you will locate to will come with ease and comfort :)

  2. I've never thought about it in this way before and have instead often envied those who have moved from country to country. How interesting to get another person's perspective on the topic! On a different note, these photos of you are utterly perfect - I love your heels and you're very beautiful :)

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice

  3. Beautiful outfit. Your shoes are gorgeous. You are very pretty :)

  4. it wouldn't be right to say i know exactly how you feel because i don't, but i can to some extent try to relate because i had a friend who went through the same thing with his life. it was hard for him to open up and make friends, most probably knowing that once he got the slightest comfortable he'd have to move away again. i hope you focus on and rejoice in the good sides though. it's tiring and mentally challenging but you always get by, right? :) and hey, maybe blogging does help? in the way that it connects you with everyone in every corner of the world in the same time in spite of where you are physically? :)

    1. Thank you for the kind words and the comment :). I totally agree, blogging is an escape and helps you connect with so many like-minded individuals!


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